Wednesday, April 24, 2013

This is . . . Different

I did my 2nd Cet.rotide shot in the kitchen today while the wee one ate dinner in his highchair - not how I remember the last cycle!

I'm also telling almost noone: immediate family, best friend, two closest friends in town and definitely not my work. I was always very honest about my treatment before but things have changed at work and I don't want any decisions to be made about what class I have next year based on the fact that I might get pregnant. Also, strangely, after 10 years of not minding, this time I feel more of a resentment that other folk get to do this the old-fashioned, private way while we have to involve a medical team and schedule it all around work. Thankfully, as I'm on a constructed cycle and with a clinic that works weekends, they can schedule transfer (should there be a transfer) for a weekend.

Bad news is that our babysitters are all away for the possible weekends. No way am I taking a toddler to the clinic - for his sake and for the sake of the other patients (just not fair!) - so my husband will drop me off & take the wee one out somewhere in the city our clinic is in and come back for me when it's done. Again, a little different from the last time when he came in and held my hand through it all. But I'm a big girl now and I am doing this cycle pretty much solo. Same will be true of high risk appointments if it works - because they're on the day CM is home with the wee one. That's fine though because its how you have to do it once you already have one child. And I just feel fantastically lucky to be in that position.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

Yea! I hope everything goes smoothly with your cycle and that it ends in success. I think we've cycled at similar times in the past, and it looks like we'll be cycle buddies again. CD1 showed up on Monday, so I'm gearing up for the day of tests the clinic requires on 5/13, and then we'll probably cycle ASAP after that. I say "probably" because it appears we may have bought another house, so if we get a firm date for the move soon, we may wait until after then.

I know you mentioned feeling resentment this time around about others being able to do this the old fashioned way. How are you feeling about the cycle itself? I thought I would feel more like "whatever, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't" this time, but instead I'm finding myself with that very familiar mixed feeling of being hopeful on one hand, and on the other hand being afraid to hope. I think in some ways, I have more expectations this time since it worked last time. And I've already started thinking about how I will be holding my breath every time I go to the bathroom in the days/weeks/months (if we're fortunate to get that far) after transfer. But I do know that at the end of the day, if it doesn't work, the loss of a baby will be the same, but at least now it won't also mean that our dream of being parents is pushed farther out.

Crossing my fingers for you...